The Justice League Teamwork Retreat
Title: The Justice League Teamwork Retreat
Author: Madelyn
Fandom: SV/JL…ish? Gen.
Summary: The team that works together, wins together.
Notes: Originally started as an entry in picfor1000, this got 500 words too long. So this is in honor of that challenge, based on this picture. In summation, failed at the challenge aspect. *sighs* Thanks to seperis for the super-fast beta!
(John and J’onn are two totally different people.) Took the prayer from a meditation site. I can’t come up with those on my own.
Even most of the birds around the log cabin Clark had rented just for this weekend had gone silent, and really, it was understandable.
“You are *not* taking my lasso,” Diana yelled.
“It gives you an unfair advantage,” Batman said.
“Look, aren’t you hot in your mask?” Clark said pleadingly. “We all already know each other’s secret identities.”
“I’m not taking off my mask,” Batman shifted, but it didn’t look remotely menacing without the cape.
“Then I’m not taking off my lasso!”
“They’re hardly the same thing!”
“Look, can’t we just cross the balance beam thingy already?” Flash pleaded.
“No!” Diana, Clark and Batman said.
“Okay, that’s so enough,” Flash said, snatching Bruce’s mask and Diana’s lasso. “If the Big Guy says we’ve got to do this, then we’re going to shut up and do this and get back to civilization, you got it?”
“What’d you do with my lasso?” Diana frowned.
“It’s hidden. You’ll get it back at the end of the weekend,” Flash said, hopping up onto the beam. “Now let’s build our freaking teamwork skills already,” he muttered.
Clark tentatively tried to flash Bruce a thumbs up, but Bruce just stared darkly at the horizon.
***
In retrospect, it’s easy to see how this wasn’t one of Clark’s greatest ideas.
“But what did you *feel* when Diana ignored your warning and went directly into the superconductor?” J’onn pressed Bruce.
Bruce just kept glaring at Clark, who was busily pretending to be vacillating between the salted and unsalted pretzel selections.
“I felt…alarmed,” Bruce grit out. “And annoyed.”
“Annoyed,” Diana repeated sharply, head rising from her knees.
“Bruce has the talking stick,” John chided gently, only to fall silent at the stares reminding him that he, in fact, didn’t have the talking stick either.
Diana’s hand snapped out, her eyes flashing at Bruce, who reluctantly rolled it across the carpet.
“Annoyed?” Diana repeated again, and tossed it back.
“We had it under control. It was an unnecessary risk,” Bruce said. Diana motioned impatiently and Bruce rolled the stick back.
“Just like it wasn’t necessary for you to be the first one storming into the Joker’s complex,” Diana countered. “We all do the best we can in fast-changing environments.”
Bruce snapped his fingers and Diana tossed the stick back, nearly hitting him in the face. “That was a completely different situation and you know it. I was acting with more of a wealth of tactical information about the Joker to draw upon–”
With an annoyed, choked off sound, Diana launched herself at Bruce. Wally yelled, “FIGHT, FIGHT!” John made a disgusted noise, and Shayera and J’onn both just looked on curiously.
Clark suppressed the thought that Bruce looked naked fighting without the cape, padded off to his room and buried his head in his pillow.
Justice League Teamwork Retreat his Kryptonian ass.
***
“Look, just trust me to catch you when you fall, and we can get out of here,” Wally whispered not-very-loudly, standing behind Bruce, arms outstretched and knees bent in prime position.
“I’m actually *trying* to make myself fall,” Bruce hissed.
“Oh,” Wally said in a small voice. “Well, I get that you have trust issues.”
“Okay, okay, I’m doing it,” Bruce said…only to find himself lying on the ground, looking up at the blue, blue sky.
“Alright, got us some candy ba–oh,” Wally said, staring, the wrapper falling to the ground.
“I thought it’d be awhile!” Wally called feebly, as Bruce stalked off. “I thought it’d be awhile!”
***
“Say not, ‘I have found the truth’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ Say not, ‘I have found the path of the soul.’ Say rather, ‘I have met the soul walking upon my path.’ For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.” J’onn’s calm voice led them through the meditation exercises.
Strangely, Bruce’s voice was the most consistent of them all, his head bowed, enunciating clearly, quietly.
Clark tried not to fall asleep, but the sun was warm on his back, and all the voices around him were soothing, so he decided not to fight it.
***
The toaster popped up two cinnamon raisin bagels, and J’onn jumped six feet, bouncing off the ceiling.
“There were sparks,” he said, only so that Clark could hear him. Clark nodded sympathetically and handed the plate over to Diana.
“Raspberry tea?” Clark asked hopefully, as Diana turned on the stove and fished around for the tea kettle.
“I think we only have earl grey,” Diana exhaled.
“Oh my — take it off!” John came up silently as always.
“Huh?” Clark asked, but John had reached around Diana and pitched the tea kettle through the ceiling.
A huge percussive explosion rocked the entire cabin a microsecond later, all of the windows shattering around them.
They all stared, wide-eyed at the gaping hole where the ceiling once was.
“Prepare to die, Justice League!” a familiar voice rang out above.
Flash pulled a paper bag onto his head; it was the nearest thing to his hand. Bruce…held a cookie sheet in front of his face.
“Grodd,” Diana trailed off warningly, standing and looking not incredibly intimidating minus her lasso.
Clark threw himself into the closet; his suit was upstairs.
“Oh, for God’s sake–”
No, Clark breathed. Not Lex too. He peeked out of the closet warily and saw Lex stroll through the front door, taking in the League members in various states of pajama-wear.
Clark could *feel* his eyes boring through the closet door. Well, and see them too, of course, what with the x-ray vision. He felt himself warming.
“The Legion of Doom tried to kill us with an exploding teapot?” Flash squeaked.
“*Not* the Legion,” Lex said, tapping his gloved hand on the counter, “This was strictly a one man operation. Ape. Man. Whatever.”
“Oh, Grodd,” Diana said, shaking her head sadly.
“What? What?” the gigantic simian demanded. “Who ever would have seen a teapot coming?”
“It was a valid inanimate object!” he protested, even as Lex motioned the other perplexed-looking Legion members to drag him away.
“Look,” Lex said finally. “I’m willing to look the other way on this one.”
“You are,” Bruce remarked skeptically, still hiding his face behind the cookie sheet.
Clark thought it was amazing he could still manage to sound that authoritative.
“Who wants to win post-exploding teapot, really,” Lex wrinkled his nose. “So let’s just call this one a wash, live to fight another day, all that. We had a really kickass plan, you know. Then this one had to go and jump the gun,” he sighed heavily.
Flash glared as best he could under his bag. “Like this is beneath you, Luthor.”
“It is,” Lex protested feelingly.
A dozen shots rang out; fortunately, the weapon was aimed at the sofa.
“Hand slipped,” The Toyman said sheepishly. Lex rubbed his temples. “Anyway, we’re all leaving now. I think both sides can agree that none of this ever happened?” he said crisply.
Everyone nodded slowly.
***
They stood outside, masks securely in place as they watched the last of the Legion of Doom pull out in the distance.
Flash brushed another feather off his pajama pants. The remnants of the sofa pillows were littered everywhere. “I dunno about you guys, but I feel really bonded with you all now.”
Batman gave him a sideways look, shot a battarang out and started swinging from tree to tree.
“Wait, we can leave?” Shayera asked hopefully.
Everyone stared up at Batman, who was now a black dot in the distance, and suddenly, there was a whoosh of air and Clark was standing only with J’onn.
“I appreciate you staying,” Clark said gratefully. “I guess we can go clean up.”
J’onn patted his arm gingerly. “It was…”
Clark ran through all the things J’onn could say in the pause. A nice weekend, an interesting idea…
“…a fine thought.” J’onn finished, with an extra pat before he shimmered off himself.
Clark sighed.
“And here I thought the LexCorp retreats were death,” Lex smirked, leaning on a huge tree.
“Er,” Clark looked down at his stunning lack of disguise.
“Please,” Lex waved his hand around. “Nothing about this day ever happened,” he said consolingly. “You do know I’d never stoop to a teapot, don’t you?” he queried, as Clark started walking back up to the cabin.
Only Clark would have ever heard that note of anxiousness in Lex’s voice. Lex had been awfully nice about the whole ordeal. He could give him this. “I know,” he turned and acknowledged generously.
“See, there, that wasn’t so hard,” Lex said, pounding Clark on the back as they walked up the path together.
“Kind of a shame that that’s the closest you’ve guys have come in a couple years,” Clark remarked.
Lex’s face clouded over.
“I’m sorry, that was petty,” Clark said.
“A little unnecessary, perhaps,” Lex acknowledged.
“Anyway, I’ve got to–” Clark motioned awkwardly at the roof of the cabin and around at the forest.
“I could help?” Lex offered, eyeing Clark.
“That’d just be awkward,” Clark shook his head.
“Well, the thing is, I think the Legion…left me here,” Lex said, looking around, folding his arms.
“You guys need a recruitment drive,” Clark said finally.
“Right, and you have real gems. Hiding behind a cookie sheet,” Lex muttered, trailing behind Clark.